Distancing Games

She was in love with him. She never understood why he would completely distance from her after passionate, close encounters together. When she demanded answers he was skilled at avoiding her with evasive replies. After a month of this behavior she promised herself she would not wait for him. To avoid the feeling of walking on glass during his unexplainable absences she went out with friends. Frustratingly she was just as much on edge during these club or shopping excursions and could not stop thinking of him. Often she would go home early just to face another empty evening; Afraid of losing him completely, she decided not to lash out. Her text messages went unanswered. When she called his phone it was either on answering machine, or he would sound surprised and say he would call right back. He didn’t. Sometimes he called her at night, and without saying a word listened to her say “Hello? Hello?” His phone was on private. Somehow she knew it was him. Was he trying to instill fear in her, or create a feeling of anxiety? It was eerie to think of him sitting in a chair somewhere, listening to her without answering back. Still she stayed longing for his return.


He liked to think he had grown wise from his X wife leaving him. He knew he had been emotionally distancing from her, even avoiding having intimacy with her. She had every right to leave him and worse, he was repeating the same bad behavior he had watched his father treat his mother with. Watching himself transform into his Dad was infuriating. If he hated seeing his father treat his Mom this way what on earth had gotten into him to do an encore performance? It made no sense. It became a hobby to him, and with his X wife walking out the door he had the license to say, “Yeah Dad. Keep them in line. I get it.” To his surprise women seemed to love it. They were even more passionate in bed after a long unfair back off from a man. And there were two kinds of women he found out. The nice ones were boring and far too easy to walk on. It was the strong women he loved to play the distancing game with. Watching a wild mare turn soft and pleading was an ego high. The higher the executive position they were, the more they acted like hurt little girls when emotionally wounded. It was an incredible revelation.


Distancing is an empowering action that often points to control issues. Whether the person distancing, male or female, is a free spirit that comes around only to be healed in crisis, or a scarred individual looking to avoid closeness, consistent unexplainable distancing is a red flag saying “Beware.”