I have noticed that most horribly out of control events in life happen for a reason. When you follow a horrific event, someone was afraid to speak out. Silence and shame are when lives and personalities change, When it all goes wrong, it’s too late. The small dramas in life make us who we are.
The Abuse Next Door, Sabotaging Lies
Being A.D.D. as a kid, I was the child that went into brain freeze when the teacher called my name for an answer. I wasn’t dumb; I was different. It seemed to attract the persecution of mean teachers. Humiliation became equal to learning for me, which amplified my brain freeze when I received To add to the shame my father was a teacher and believed my inability to focus was laziness.
He Demanded Scholastic Answers
But my father was also a “life teacher,” who enjoyed contributed to my wisdom. Mom encouraged art, music, drama, and humor. None of this helped me be a traditional student, and I compared myself in a constant inner dialogue of criticism. At school, I was just “dumb Ann” who never knew the answers.
When Silence Prevents Law Suits
Dumb Ann is standing like a Grandma against the guard rail of a moving platform with her best friend. A Soccer ball, thrown hard at me by a mean boy, hurled me back, and I crashed through the rail down one story on my back, smashing my head on the concrete basement floor. I remember being picked up, carried, and a crowd. Voices sounded like they were underwater, muffled, and I was high above my body, watching it all like a movie. The school never told my parents. I walked around for months in a concussion of blinding headaches that made me throw up. Terrible dreams woke me up at night. Everyone knew at school what happened to me. No one spoke about it. In adult years, always wondering why my parents didn’t talk about my accident either, I found out they never knew!
After my accident, the old Ann died, and a new Ann was born
I began to hear whispers all around me in school, to see faces staring into mine at night, and feel intense energy from trees, animals, and houses. Unlike my A.D.D., I found myself listening, reading the kids around me, even the teacher ini an intense focus. But it wouldn’t stop and ran like a fan in the background that never turned off. Now I was dumb Ann lost in other people’s heads, feeling and hearing their stories.
They Will Tell You You Are Telling Stories
It seems we should feel free to tell our loved ones of the things that changed our life. But most of the time, people will not believe you, think you are exaggerating, or not listen. Sadly, no matter how horrific, some will say that a sister, child, or parent is lying. They will insist if what you are telling them is true, they would have known. You learn not to speak about these chapters. Shame does that to you.